X-Message-Number: 31986
Date: Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:55:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: david pizer <>
Subject: Fw: I want an appointment with this Doctor

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Subject: I want an appointment with this Doctor






I love this Doctor. Too bad his practice has no room for new patients! Now, he's
a medical wizard!



  

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this 
true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. 
Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like 
say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What
are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of 
delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source 
of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended 
daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means 
they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also
made out of grain. Bottoms up!

 Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two 
bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise 
program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more 
vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do 
sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food
around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food 
and diets.

 AND.....


 For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and
 health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting 
 nutritional studies:

 1. The Japanese eat very little fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.




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