X-Message-Number: 3524
Subject: CRYONICS: family members objections
Date: Wed, 21 Dec 1994 08:54:27 -0500
From: "Perry E. Metzger" <>


I'm rather opinionated on this subject, as this message reveals...

> From: Will Dye <>
> But that's not why I'm writing.  I'm writing because my wife is 100%
> against my going into cryosuspension.
> 
> She thinks the whole idea is sick, twisted, and generally (her term) 
> "spooky".  Her reaction caught me completely off-guard.  I had never 
> personally encountered strong opposition to cryonics before.

1) If your wife objects to the cost, well, the cost is minimal; less
   than the cost of smoking if you are a smoker.
2) If your wife objects because it makes her uncomfortable, well, you
   are going to have to try to convince her to ignore that. If you
   can't do that, you are going to have to consider on what basis the
   relationship runs.

My girlfriend (the relationship has lasted for many years) is a
religionist of sorts. I find this to be disturbing, but its her life
and I don't tell her "no, you can't buy these weird quasi-religious
books". She finds my belief system a bit strange, and I think she
thinks of my plans on the disposition of my body after my heart stops
beating to be a bit weird, but she doesn't tell me what to do, either,
and I suspect that if she did the relationship wouldn't last very
long.

I'm not saying you should be confrontational with your wife, as that
sort of approach almost never works. However, I believe you should ask
yourself whether you really are going to accept someone telling you
that you can't do something that doesn't materially impact them
because they are "disgusted" by the idea, ESPECIALLY if that person is
someone close to you, and if the something in question is also pretty
important to you.

> So why is this happening?  Am I the one that's wrong?

As I noted, I would not expect my girlfriend to tolerate my telling
her what her religious views, even though I think they are loopy, and
I see no reason why anyone should tolerate having their spouse tell
them that they shouldn't spend a trivial sum on an eccentricity of
their own that harms no one. (This, of course, assumes that you are
not so poor that you would notice a couple of hundred a year; to me
that is "down in the noise" given what a newspaper subscription
costs. If you find yourself struggling for enough to feed the kid I
could understand her concern.)

Note that I phrase this in a "truth neutral" manner. It really makes
no difference, in my opinion, whether cryonics works or not -- those
that love you shouldn't care about trivia like this whether its a
great idea or nuts, and if they do there is something wrong.

> She will have a hard time going through the mourning process when
> I'm in suspension,

That seems like it shouldn't be true. If she really believes that it
won't work, then you've just gone for a funny burial process. If she
does believe it will work, then she shouldn't be trying to stop you in
the first place unless she wants to see you permanently dead. Either
way, the only difficulty I can see being caused is that a controlling
person might feel as though they didn't "win" and force you to be
"buried normally"; if that would be a problem for her I would suggest
that this is an abnormal feeling and one that you have no reason to
pay attention to, least of all when you are deanimated.

> That's why I'm still considering a brain-only suspension.  Mike Darwin
> graphically convinced me that it was far more risky than using the 
> brain's handy built-in carrying case, but if I donate several organs
> to medicine for transplantation, and "donate" my brain to a cryonics 
> organization for "research", I'm hoping it won't be so difficult for 
> my family.

Why not just donate your head to science and express the desire that
you be cremated. They can still have the ashes just as though your
head wasn't still hanging around...

Perry

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