X-Message-Number: 4886
Date: Tue, 19 Sep 1995 09:15:22 -0700 (PDT)
From: Doug Skrecky <>
Subject: uncle nicks a free appliance

                   UNCLE NICK, ARE YOU ORE-RIDA? 
                         By Doug Skrecky
         (from July/August 1993 Mensa Canada Communications)

     Here's the scenario. Suppose a dear relative of yours is about to
 die. Lets call him Uncle Nick. He has it all planned, there is going to
 be a big flashy funeral with legions of mourning relatives in attendance. 
 His name will be eulogized, his life and times will be remembered and
 just in case there is any doubt about his passing the local cemetary will
 be sporting a new monument, a new mausoleum, a new crypt. That's the way
 I want it he says. I want to be remembered. 
     Somehow it just doesn't seem right that a person so full of life
 should have to give it up due to the infirmaties of age you think. 
     You say: Instead of cremation or traditional interment why not have
 your body mummified when you die uncle? Maybe you could be revived at
 some future time. 
     He says: How would you go about doing that? 
     You say: The mortician says a body could be preserved temporarily
 with a higher dosage of formaldehyde that is customarily used in
 embalming. Perhaps a mummy could be created by air drying with a
 dehumidifier.... 
     Uncle Nick interrupts: What you would really be creating is a mess. 
 You'll have to do better than that young man. 
     Young man thinks then answers: We could buy one of those large 20
 cubic feet freezers at the department store and freeze the corpse -er
 your corpse solid and....ah... 
     Uncle Nick: How do you dry it out if it frozen? Wouldn't freezing
 damage the body? You need to think this out some more. Talk to me
 tommorrow. 
     You consult a world renowed expert in mummification -one Doug
 Skrecky- and then next day....... 
     You say: Here's how we do it uncle. We buy the freezer and set the
 temperature to just above the freezing point. We place a plastic liner in
 the freezer and fill it up with a saturated sugar solution and add some
 salt. When you die your body will be placed on a small cot in the freezer
 and the sugar/salt solution will be circulated through your
 cardiovascular system in place of blood while the temperature is
 gradually reduced to the minimum possible for the freezer. 
     Uncle Nick interrupts: You still wind up with a frozen body and.. 
     You interrupt: No, we will not. The sugar and salt will act as as an
 antifreeze solution and after the body is perfused with it for a short
 period it will not freeze either. 
     Uncle Nick says: Ok, ok you've convinced me you can preserve my fresh
 corpse for awhile in good shape. How are you going to dry it out? 
     You say: We pump the solution out of the freezer and then place bags
 of dessicant in the bottom of the freezer under the cot which holds the
 body. We hook up a small air pump to....... 
     Uncle Nick interrupts: I hear it takes several months to vaccuum
 freeze-dry even small pets. Air drying a human body in a freezer would
 take YEARS! 
     You say: We hook up a small air pump to the cardiovascular system
 which would increase the drying surface of the body by over 300 times. 
 Since the body is not frozen and the liquid water can move and evaporate
 much faster than ice can sublimate we estimate that a few days drying
 time will be all that would be required. 
     Uncle Nick objects: Wouldn't drying cause massive tissue damage? 
     You say: Not in the presence of sugar. Dry seeds retain the ability
 to germinate because their biomolecules are stablized in the dry state by
 sucrose. We can expect a fair degree of preservation of cellular
 structure due to the sugar added to the solution. Also I should mention
 that small amounts of citric acid, vitamin C and vitamin E would probably
 also be added since they seem to prevent frozen food from deteriorating. 
     Uncle Nick says: Correct me if I am wrong, but you seem to plan on
 preserving my corpse by turning it into something akin to salted beef
 jerky. I don't see how it could last. It'll rot. 
     You say: Beef jerky still contains a considerable amount of moisture
 which allows some bacteria to survive. We plan to continue drying till
 your corpse is as dry as dust and the bacteria are stone dead. The result
 will not be beef jerky, but instead something more like a large rock. 
 This human rock would then be sealed in a water and oxygen proof
 desiccant packed time capsule. It'll last. 
     Uncle Nick says: How much would all this cost? 
     You say: Lose the monument and we would about break even with a
 stainless steel casket buried in the permafrost. 
     Uncle Nick says: Could you guarentee that future reanimation is still
 possible with such a procedure? 
     You say: No, this technique has never been tried before and so
 reanimation is only speculation at this point. Your mummy would however
 look quite lifelike due to the low temperatures employed in desiccation. 
 I imagine that in museums of the distant future your well preserved body
 would recieve more attention than any blackened decayed remains which
 happened to belong to some Egyptian Pharoah. 
     Uncle Nick says: So if reanimation is not possible the consolation
 prize is to be remembered forever. Ok. 
     You say: What?.... 
     Uncle Nick concludes: You pay for the freezer. 

   ......Perhaps sorbitol should replace the salt in the above experiment. 
 When this article was first submitted the original title was just "Uncle
 Nick". The editor added the Ore-Rida bit and I never did fathom what this
 meant. Uncle Nick seemed to be having the last laugh. If anyone can
 figure this one out please let me know. 


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