X-Message-Number: 7990
Date: Tue, 1 Apr 1997 22:03:16 -0800 (PST)
From: John K Clark <>
Subject: What am I?
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The day after I posted my little adventure with my duplicating machine the
shit really hit the fan. My Private Protection Agency (PPA) the Acme
Protection Agency found out about it, and I'd love to know which one of you
guys squealed to them. Anyway, they were hounding me constantly, following me
around and asking all sorts of embarrassing questions. I tried to explain to
them that nobody really died because no consciousness was stopped or even
interrupted, but they weren't impressed with my arguments. All they were
interested in was that there was a dead body and it had John Clark's DNA and
John Clark was one of their clients. I picked Acme originally because they
were a honest, tough no nonsense organization, but now I wished I had
picked a PPA that had a more philosophical bent. The fact that Acme also had
capital punishment didn't seem as appealing as it once did either.
I knew that if I was going to do something I had to do it quickly. My lawyer
told me I should expect to be arrested in the next few days. He said that my
best bet was to plead self defense, but he didn't seem very optimistic,
and even if I eventually won it would take years and every dime I had in
legal bills. I had a better idea, it would solve things in one day and it
would only cost half my money, but I would have to do something I'd been
dreading first. I looked at the video tape, my worst fears were confirmed,
I am the copy, no doubt about it. This sort of threw me for a loop at first,
but I gradually got used to the idea, and now realized that I feel just the
same so it can't possibly make any difference.
I set up my video camera so it covered the entrance to the duplicating
chamber but was careful to make sure that this time it couldn't see into the
chamber itself. I turned on my duplicating machine and walked into the
chamber, a few seconds later I walked out but there was somebody with me,
somebody who looked just like me. I sent the tape to Acme and they dropped
all charges against me. They had no choice, Acme may be tough but no PPA will
prosecute someone if they know there is a 50% probability they are innocent.
They have no way of knowing which one of us killed the original John Clark
even we don't know that.
Well, this solved one problem but it created another one, the double. I've
tried to be broad minded about it, really I have, but the man is just
obnoxious. Mr. Know-it-all is always droning on and on about the stupidest
things, and he thinks he's SO smart, personally I think he's a moron. Just as
I feared he says he deserves half of my money, but I'm the one who made it
not him, I remember how I earned every dollar. I don't like the way he looks
at my girlfriend either.
This entire experience has made me a wiser man. I now understand the value of
subtlety, putting a bullet in the brain of the original John Clark was stupid.
I also understand that the world is a dangerous place and that dreadful
accidents happen every day. How very sad.
I'm looking at the jerk right now and he has an insufferable grin on his face.
I don't know why he's looking so smug but that's OK, let him grin while he
can, it won't last long. I know exactly how to deal with him, and to think,
people used to say that I understood machines but not people. I'll soon prove
them wrong.
It looks like he's also writing a post but I can't quite make out from here
what he's saying, probably just a bunch of pretentious nonsense, I'll read it
when I come back, right now I've got to drive into town to get some supplies.
I'll be mighty happy when summer comes, I do so hate driving on these icy
mountain roads.
John K Clark
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